I would still be imprisoned, but as an escort on leave. Not wanting to belabor the illusion any further, I confessed, “I don’t know what I did to deserve getting locked up.”
The Man with the Canary Smile looked at me with fresh eyes. Better to get the disillusionment out of the way early on before raising any false hopes. “That’s a shame. I would’ve liked to hear the juicy details from your mouth.”
“What DID I do?”
“I can’t talk about your past. That’s one of the conditions for your release. But that’s not important right now. What IS is that you share the same qualities as I do.” He clenched his fist with determination, looking at it with an intense stare of eye-to-fist contact that would make the gazed target either blush in reverence or run away. “Sheer devotion to your cause. Pursuit of truth, even if it ruins us.”
“What truth did I speak?”
“It doesn’t matter what language you speak. Numbers are the one true constant. But some people out there try to take advantage of the situation and use alternate numbers in order to sneak their faulty math through. It’s up to us to ensure that these failed attempts don’t pass.” He paused to catch his breath. “Now, how do you see numbers?”
“Well, I divide the smaller figures up before moving onto the larger ones until they make sense.”
Apparently, that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. “Let me rephrase. How do you go about doing your calculations?”
“I just look for commonalities, then group them together for easier calculating. If there’s three instances of the same number, I’ll multiply that, then keep that figure in mind while grouping other similar figures together, then add them all up to one grand sum.”
“That’s not what I’m asking. I’m not interested in your thought process. I’m more interested in how you go about solving an equation.”
“I don’t understand the question.”
“When you look at math problem, what do you see?”
“The numbers?”
“Okay, let’s break it down. What’s 34 + 57?”
“Eight... no, Ninety-one.”
“You almost arrived at the answer instantly. I’m guessing you looked at the tens column first, then changed your mind once you saw the ones column, right?”
“Right,” I said, impressed with his deductive reasoning.
“Most of us don’t do that around here. We go more by intuition. See, when I look at these numbers, I don’t see numbers - I see colours. Each colour represents a different hue that, when mixed with other colours, creates an entirely different colour, that then can be converted back into numbers again.”
“You can do that??”
“It’s not unusual. One guy here hums and whistles while calculating. Another sees odd numbers as circles, even numbers as squares and prime numbers as triangles. Others just convert them into shapes of varying sizes that can be manipulated in all sorts of ways to form an entirely new shape. We look at the figures, and then convert them to symbols we’re more familiar with instantly. I just happen to see numbers differently.”
“I’ve never even heard of someone doing math like that.”
“It’s not that difficult to learn how to convert from one sense to another. Like any muscular skill, you get better through constant repetition. It just requires constant training - rewiring your mind to interpret stimuli in other ways. It’s called synaesthesia, which is converting one sense into another that’s not normally used, like hearing paintings or tasting music.”
“I’m not familiar with that way of thinking. Is that even possible?”
“All senses can be converted into other media. It just requires a keen mind to explore the possibilities, and knowledge of how to approach that way.”
He went over some more uncomfortable details before I segued over to the main question I had: “So, how do I convert numbers to colour, then?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. It’s been so natural for me for so long, I was surprised that other people didn’t see numbers like that.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Well, you will in time, because you’re going to have to learn in a hurry.”
“What’s the rush?”
“It’s tax season, and there’s all kinds of exploitable loopholes that’re being implemented when our guard’s down.”
I looked at the Man with the Canary Smile in greater detail, taking in his words and his associates until it came to me. “Wait, are you guys all.. Accountants?”
“Took you that long to figure out, huh?”
“I don’t see what you need me for. It’s clear you have far more experienced number-crunchers. People who can look at a problem, and solve it instantly. And besides, I’m not as great with figures as you think. I always get forty and fifty mixed up, and have trouble multiplying seven by eight.”
I should’ve kept silent, but couldn’t help voicing my faults out. Even though I know the answer’s fifty-six, it keeps tripping me up. This problem was so pronounced that I constantly tried to remind myself that 7 x 8 = 56 over and over until it came by reflex. I thought I finally had it down until I was asked, ‘What’s 8 x 7?’ and had to start all over again. For some reason, I also keep thinking 6 x 9 = 42, even though the answer isn’t anywhere close. It’s just one of the mysteries of the Universe.
“That’s fine. The fact you’re aware of your misgivings means that you’re more likely to notice when you’ve made a mistake and correct it. You’re old-school, so you’re more familiar with the old methods of calculating. We don’t need rapid problem-solvers. ANYBODY can crunch numbers. We can look at a problem and solve it intuitively. But we don’t know HOW or WHY we arrive at our solutions, just that they work. And we’re sorely lacking in that area. What’s needed is someone who’ll look beyond the numbers. We need somebody to show their work.”
“You have trouble with Word Problems, don’t you?”
“Let’s not get into that right now,” he said too quickly, spreading a sheet in front of me. “Now, which is the odd one out?”
I stared at the paper. It was an incomprehensible mess. There were numbers superimposed upon each other, of varying sizes, some at awkward angles, upside down, warped, with additional numbers added into the margins. It was like looking at a sea of numbers that washed upon my desk. I didn’t even know where to start - there was no reoccurring pattern to be found. The upper right corner was just as indistinguishable as the lower left. The test which had started out so easily had taken a drastic turn.
“I.... I...”
“Okay, obviously we’re going to have to do a crash course. And the BEST way to get acclimated is to jump in feet first!”
“So soon?” I wasn’t expecting to be working already.
“Today’s not a good day. It’s Red Time.”
I didn’t get to ask what he meant about this, for as soon as he said those words, the bag was placed back over my head, signaling that the meeting was over. Through the muffled sounds of the bag, his last request came through.
“Next time, bring over a 10x10 times chart of 100 numbers in a square gird pattern.”
“What for? I can count.”
“You’ll need it just in case. Trust me on this.”
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