Looking closer, the Hotel was a building teetering on a 40 degree incline. The only thing keeping it from falling over were several pieces of fragile-looking beams propping it up from a few windows.
Inside the dimly lit corridor was a twitchy man at the counter who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else but here. She pointed to the planks visible from outside that were on the verge of breaking apart. “What’s with - ”
“Nothing to worry about,” the Twitchy Manager said. “We have zealous Lumberjacks in a few apartments taking their work home with them.”
She had no way of verifying whether this was true or not. In all the time she spent in The Forest of _______, she never saw a single instance of any trees being felled in her presence. But that didn’t mean there weren’t any trees that didn’t fall in the first place.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of loud audible crackling noises echoing throughout the hall.
“Is that norm - ”
“It’s just the foundations creaking. It’d be more worrisome if they didn’t make any noise.”
The Manager’s method of answering questions before the sentences were fully formed was something she was quite used to, and sensing an opportunity, decided to ask, “Are you - ”
“Can’t complain, thanks for asking.”
“I was going to ask if you were looking for hired help?” she said with some minor annoyance.
He pointed his thumb upwards, and repeated the message the sign above the counter said, “Occupancy of more than 1 persons is considered Unlawful and Dangerous”.
She was confused. “How do - ”
“I don’t consider myself a full person. One person plus half of a person don’t equate two people. As long as I think less of myself, the math works out. Are you willing to think of yourself as less than a person?”
“No, but - ”
“Then you’re not ready to be hired yet.”
She looked around. Apart from the unseen Lumberjacks, the Hotel looked largely uninhabited. How did he manage to stay in business? She was about to ask if there was another place she could rest in, when she brushed her thumb against the open logbook. The very act was enough to have her qualified for signing in.
“Thank you for registering. I’ll be taking your bags now.”
The Manager stepped from behind the counter and swiped her bag so quickly that it took her time to register what just happened. She started racing after him, desperate to get her bag back. However, despite having the advantage on his home turf, the Manager never strayed far from her range of vision, giving commentary of the accommodations and surrounding furnishings of the Hotel.
“As you can see, the murals and painted architecture gives the place a vaunted feel, making visitors feel welcome. The paintings on the walls may be crooked, but they still give off a natural warmth.” He continued the presentation up the steep incline that was actually the main floor, before opening a door, and started going up the stairs, never losing his breath.
The stairs were extremely rickety, swaying from side to side, and threatened to fall apart at any moment. The Manager exited through a side door, and as he stepped off, the stairs swung to the other side. She had to manoeuver the lower railing to swing it back to its previous state, and balance precariously so it wouldn’t wobble too much. By the time she caught up, the Manager was still continuing his speech as if nothing was wrong.
“On the plus side, we’ve got a great view of the cliff dangling over the edge.”, he said, pointing outside the window.
“Are you sure this isn’t dangerous?”
“Absolutely. On a totally unrelated subject, our rates are cheaper on the upper floors.”
For some reason, the higher up he went, the less nervous the Manager became. What the Girl couldn’t possibly know was that he had a pronounced fear of being on the 1st floor. He felt that being so close to the front entrance gave greater chance to leave through the front door, and as soon as he left the Hotel, it would spontaneously collapse without him. Better to stay where his business would remain viable. His livelihood would live and die with him.
On the upper floors, she kept following the Manager, but then, felt herself get held back. She tried to move forward, and couldn’t bring her leg down. She thought she was instinctively refusing to budge any further, since venturing further would meant her imminent death, but when she looked back, it was her ankle bracelet refusing further entry.
“I’m sorry”, she said, getting the Manager’s attention, “but I can’t go beyond this point.”
The Manager looked back, and noticed what was keeping her. Due to the angle of the building, it cut the occupied space the Girl could normally traverse in half. Less even, because she couldn’t reach the far end of some rooms just beyond her reach.
“Oh, in that case, I suggest using one of the lower floors. However, before adjourning, may I recommend that you use the Washroom?” For emphasis, he drew out a handkerchief and held it over his nose. The Girl looked at herself, and realized that despite smelling like roses, she looked a frightful bunch, no thanks to her living in the wild, and took the Manager’s suggestion up.
Thankfully, they descended several floors down a sturdier staircase where the place of cleaning was. When she walked inside, the Washroom was unlike any room she’d ever seen. The slanted floor had notched handles and grooves all over the walls, ceiling and floor. On the far side of the room opposite her was a fallen section of wall blocked by a grill screen. There were no other structures to be found, and no visible water source to be seen.
“How do I - ” she started off, only to catch her question in her throat, as she saw the Manager deck himself out with metallic belts, handcuffing himself to the wall with powerful magnets before saying, “Brace yourself!” with no warning before a deluge of water suddenly descended from the ceiling and streamed down upon the Girl’s form. She was instantaneously drenched with a bodyfull of water for two seconds until the flood suddenly stopped. The remainder of the water was unceremoniously dumped out the grill screen, descending into the valley below. The only thing that had kept her from joining the exited fluid was gripping the grooves and the Ankle Bracelet that prevented her from moving any further. Despite these precautions, the force was strong enough to threaten to tear her foot off.
Even though her work outfit was designed to withstand environmental dangers, it still wound up being soaking wet, and clung to the Girl’s form in an unflattering squelching mass. The Manager was left relatively dry, having hidden underneath the water arc where the water fell.
“There, that’s better. You might want to soap up before rinsing off,” the Manager said, handing over a bar of soap.
Still choking up water, the Girl sputtered, “Actually, I’d like to get undressed first. Can I put my stuff in my room? And maybe get a towel?” She looked at the ceiling where the water came from, which was inert and barely dripping. “How do I - ”
“It’s automatic. A new deluge of water will come in the next five minutes.”
“Isn’t the water pressure here... a little too... strong?”
“This? This is nothing. In the old days, we had mass showers with multiple people. We used to be doused down with hoses strong enough to tear our skin off. Then we’d have to lather up before they blasted us with water again. It was unconventional, sure, but we got clean in a hurry. Nowadays, we can take our time, but I’ve gotten so used to the high pressure that I get antsy cleaning up any other way.”
Finished with spouting his personal history lesson, the Manager guided the Girl away from the Washroom to one of the rooms on the same floor. As she dripped all over the carpeting, she sensed activity behind the other doors she passed.
There was something else he said that didn’t ring true for her. If this place didn’t accept more than one people, then what was with that explanation about the Lumberjacks? “I thought you didn’t allow more people in this place?”
“To cut down on occupancy, guests are registered as Animal, Vegetable or Mineral. If you identify yourself as any of these, you’re exempt from being a person. The residents behind those doors don’t count as people - they’re registered as pets. Their owners are never seen, but are always nearby,” his eyes darting furtively. “They never stay for very long - just long enough to do their business and leave. They’re here, but they’re not all there.”
The Manager stopped and faced the doorway to a room that looked as indistinguishable as the rest, and looked at his watch. “But that’s neither here nor there. We should be having a vacancy very soon...”
Then there was an audible scream that could be heard before fading into the distance.
“What was - ”
“That’s just the springs to the room settling.” The Manager opened the door, and the interior of the room showed large springs underneath the floor winding back into its normal spot, which certainly sounded like screaming.
“Now, if I understand correctly, it’s just you, and no one else?”
“That’s right.”
“Just remember, that residency is to be kept at one person, and no more,” the Manager said with emphasis, handing the Girl her bag back.
“Yes, of course, I understand.”
“And, if you’ve been found bringing anyone unverified inside, you’ll be punished accordingly.”
She took offence to this line of accusation. “I’m all by myself. Where would I find someone else?”
“Where indeed,” the Manager replied, staring at the Girl intensely.
Then, she remembered something she nearly forgot. “You know, I don’t think you ever gave me your rates.”
“You’re right, I didn’t.” And with that ambiguous statement, he left.
As soon as he was out of earshot, she yelled, “You could at least tell me!”
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