“You’ll have to get the Lady Doctor’s permission first.”
“I’d advise against eating soft cheese. It could severely affect your pregnancy.”
“I don’t care. I want Rarebit.”
“You can have all the Rarebit you want once the baby’s born!”
“I want Rarebit.”
“There’s plenty of other foods to eat!”
“I want Rarebit.”
“Go on! You have to eat!”
The Girl took on an expression of utter apathy as she dismally mumbled, “I’m not hungry.” And she really wasn’t. It was surprising how easy it was to lose your appetite once you lost the will to live. Even everyone stuffing their faces in front of her wasn’t enough.
After 2 days of this and showing no results, the Lady Doctor decided that enough was enough, and decided to intervene. The Girl’s stubbornness was depleting their food supplies faster than they could restock them, and the nutritional fluid could only do so much.
“It’s a little late to start worrying about weight gain. You’ll lose most of it once you give birth!”
“I’m. Not. Hungry.” She repeated. It had become her mantra by now. “I only want Rarebit.”
“Surely you care about your baby!”
“You want the baby. You don’t want ME.”
The Lady Doctor’s features hardened. It would’ve been so much easier to jam a tube down the Girl’s throat and force-feed her some extra nutrients the IV wasn’t supplying, but she couldn’t condone any risk harming the baby, even though it looked like it was doing fine. There was only so much that could be done - the IV was supposed to be a temporary measure, not a permanent one. Then after doing some mental math, she decided, “Alright, you can have some,” said with some annoyance.
The Girl’s eyes lit up with expectation.
“Here, I hope it’s to your liking.”
A steaming plate of the stuff was served on a platter. She poked at it experimentally. “It’s a little stretchy, but otherwise fine. There doesn’t seem to be that much remarkable about it.” She dug in and ate.
“You should feel grateful. That cheese was made possible thanks to the fermentation of bacteria suited to your liking.”
Typical. These guys felt the need to insert viruses everywhere, no matter whether it fit the mood or not. There was nothing else in their heads.
After she cleaned her plate, she patted her stomach, feeling lightheaded. “I’m feeling a little tired. I’d like to go to bed now.”
“I’m not surprised. It’s very filling.”
As she lay down and was tucked in, she thought, “Now, let’s see what all the fuss is about.”
By the time she became aware of her surroundings, she was in the midst of helping a random guy she was helping track down a mortally wounded Vampire Elephant.
“We’ve finally made it! Do you realize the significance of this find?”
“Not really.”
“This is the Vampire Elephant resting place! This is where they all come to die. They say there’s a magnificent treasure in the Elephant Graveyard.” Saying this, he brought out a shovel and started digging. “It’s gotta be somewhere under all these skeletons!”
After watching him struggle to excavate the muddy ground for several minutes, she remarked, “I think it’s the bones that are valuable, not some mythical treasure chest.”
Looking at her, he said, “You’re right!” He examined the scenery with consternation. “It’s gonna be a real challenge sneaking all this past customs! You’d be willing to help me out, wouldn’t you?”
“Well, I don’t know - ”
“Look, we’ve been together all this time. That means you must feel something for me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t bother coming all this way.”
There was a certain undeniable logic about what he said that made sense. How could she argue against that? “I suppose so...”
“Perfect! Now, let’s start by stuffing all these Vampire Elephant remains inside you.”
“Are you nuts? I can’t do that!”
“If you really loved me, you’d do what I asked.”
“If YOU really loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to do that.”
“...Don’t let’s quibble on semantics. Just do what I say, and everything will be fine.”
Sighing profusely, she proceeded to spread her legs wide to insert a tusk inside her. With great effort, she somehow managed to fit the protruding bone inside her. Maybe it’d have gone easier if she’d pushed the pointy end in first, but she didn’t want to be impaled.
“That’s good, but I’m sure you could fit in some more, if you really tried. Put your mind into it.”
“It took this much just to - ”
“Nonsense! I’m sure it’s not that difficult,” he said, raising her legs, and attempting to shove some more inside her.
“Wait, you can’t - ” she said, but her protests were drowned out the instant another bone was pushed inside, and her discomfort went ignored. The Archeologist continued pushing more and more Ancient Elephant Bones inside her, causing her belly to swell further. It had first started out as a slight stiff bulge that would’ve been otherwise unnoticeable unless you knew where to look. But now, her once-flat stomach had bloated to become more jagged and rounded with uncomfortable shards sticking out from underneath.
“You know, this is starting to feel real uncomfortable”, she said, once she finally had some breath for breathing space.
“Hold your breath. The pain will pass soon enough,” he said, sticking some ribs inside.
“Those aren’t made out of Ivory.”
“Who cares?”
“*I* Care. You’re pushing all these inside me. I should have some say in this!”
“They’re part of a set. You wouldn’t want me to break up the set, right? That would lessen their resale value, and all our effort would be for nothing!”
Finally, after much intense grunting, he couldn’t fit any more bones inside her, much to her relief. But that was short-lived by his next words:
“Well, that does it for the front. We might as well concentrate on the back. There’s still plenty of unused room there.”
She shook her head. “There’s no way I could fit the rest of these bones behind me!”
“What, do you have a stick or something up there already?”
“I’m just saying it’s impossible.”
“You could always swallow them instead.”
“I’ll stick them up myself, thank you,” she said, looking extremely embarrassed.
When they’d finally finished, even she was surprised at the sheer amount of bones inside her. She must’ve blanked out at some point, because the job, which seemed so labourous and time-consuming at first, was over faster than she expected. The result was a bulging belly that protruded beyond her range of vision, and extended at an absurd distance covering at least two city blocks.
“Perfect! I knew you could do it! Just goes to show what you’re capable of if you don’t know your limits!”
“How much luggage are we allowed to carry again?”
“Three cases. But there’s a handling charge, and there’s no point making multiple trips.”
On the transport platform, the Girl had been handling herself rather well, considering the circumstances, when she noticed she was starting to feel more uncomfortable than usual.
“Excuse me... the bones...”
“Shhh. Don’t mention the merchandise too much.”
“I don’t think they’re entirely dead. They’re moving about a lot, and they’re not very happy.”
“Okay, so I’ll glue them back when we get home. It’ll look quite impressive once they’re all assembled together. Just hold it in a little longer. They’ll look as good as new!”
By the time they made it to Customs, she was clutching the sides of her stomach in pain. She could’ve reached for the front if her arms were long enough. Instead, they had to get a wheeled cart just to ferry her around.
“Calm down, and let me do the talking.” The Archeologist strolled up to the incoming terminal and declared, “It’s an emergency! My wife’s extremely pregnant!”
“Do you have papers for the infant?” the customs agent asked.
“There wasn’t time to get any! We didn’t know she would be expecting while overseas!”
Finally, the excruciating pain proved too much for her to handle, and a tusk finally pierced her belly. After that rupture, it was only a matter of time before the rest of her tummy spilled forth, bursting the contents of blood and bones onto the terminal floor, shocking the travelers and guards there.
The Archeologist was in a state of shock, but he quickly recovered to voice his outrage. “See what your delaying has cost us?? It’s now a stillborn!! I hope you’re willing to compensate for the damage!”
“I need to see a mortuary report first. We don’t know if the child died while traversing time zones, so seeking a time & place of death will become difficult. Especially since those bones still look like they’re moving.”
“Those are just death throes! Don’t give the mother any false hopes!!”
“Get up! Now!!”
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