“So, you don’t mind that I’m doing these kinds of stories?”
“Some of my staff may object, but I think it’s important that we ask and answer hard questions, no matter how uncomfortable they make us.”
“Well then, I was wondering if I could have some basic description of these aliens? They’re all pretty vague, and I wouldn’t mind having something to work with.”
The Warden then recited a Mantra borne of memorized repetition:
“Basic human kindness, they don’t understand.
Lowest of human wretchedness, they don’t understand.
Artistic Temperament, they don’t understand.
Sexual Depravity, they don’t understand.
Religious Rituals, they don’t understand.
Awe & Wonderment, they don’t understand.
Basic Circulatory Functions, they don’t understand.
But Bureaucracy... THAT they understand. A system of rigid laws and contradictory rules that the populace has to abide to, lest society collapses.”
“So, if I wanted to modify...”
“Oh no, no no no no. We haven’t changed our laws for years. If THEY discover that we could revise our laws to our liking, they could decide that they could change them on a whim themselves, or even worse, apply it to themselves.”
“But you just said they don’t care about us. Surely they wouldn’t notice?”
The Warden held up two identical forms. One was clear, the other was smudged. He sandwiched both pages between two separate identically dense multi-page binders. “Here,” the Warden handed them over to a passing alien. “The latest revision and it’s backup.”
The alien held both for a second. “There’s a discrepancy between these two. It’ll be corrected.”
The Warden waved his hand dismissively. “It’s probably spilled coffee or something.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s taken care of.” The alien handed both binders back.
The Warden flipped open both binders to the solitary samples he placed earlier. Both pages were now equally smudged. “You see? And I’d be willing to bet they’ve done the same to other pages we missed. They’re not interested in compromises. They want consistency above all else. Even if society would benefit from it.”
“Isn’t there any way to escape their control?”
“Of course. You could always go beyond their borders, to the outside where lawless reigns. But who would be willing to brave those elements? Besides, we’d need to fill out a form to do so.”
“What would happen if we didn’t?”
The Warden started to answer, but then stalled. “I don’t understand the question.”
“I mean, apart from not knowing where I was, what other consequences would there be?”
The Warden looked very uncomfortable. “NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.” He hastily replied, ushering the writer out of his office in a hurry.
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